You don’t even know how far behind I am on blogging….I’ve so missed the outlet, but it’s been really crazy the last couple months. At some point I’ll be able to catch up, or at least I hope I can!
Today I want to talk to you about a little something called “Toddlers & Tiaras”. Bless who ever came up with the crazy idea to film children’s beauty pageants because this show was a god send during my recovery year after my divorce. I wanted nothing to do with any sort of romantic movie. If there was even an inkling of love, respect, or friendship I was in tears watching it. The scandal of giving your kid Mountain Dew and Pixi Stix to make them more ‘peppy’, dressing them like Madonna, and chewing out an opposing mom, that was where it was at.
I really did sleep a lot during my divorce, but my sleep schedule wasn’t exactly scheduled. Night time was always the hardest. I hated being alone. I hated having so much space in the bed. I hated that I wasn’t in my apartment. I REALLY hated the split second when I went from forgetting about my problems to suddenly remembering them all in vivid detail. So me and my DVR worked extra hard during the wee hours of the night. I watched episode after episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. I knew who all the girls were and was fascinated by the rivalry. I knew who I would bet money on in a fight. We were home girls.
Me and my home girls chilling with my bed. My bed that sat in the middle of our living room. Can you imagine a smaller living room with a couch, a queen size bed, an entertainment center, a piano and about a foot of wiggle room around it all? My sweet mom put up with the family room being my bedroom for far too long.
In the beginning, when Brady and I were separated, I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag with Oliver curled up at the end. It soon became evident that I wasn’t going to be staying married. The day that I told my mom that I wanted a bed was a big deal. That meant that I was admitting to an end, and I was starting a beginning.
We headed down to Furniture Warehouse and looked for something suitable. I held her hand as we wondered the store. We laid on several mattresses to try them out. Then I started crying about how I didn’t want to find a bed. I didn’t want to be here. My mom made me laugh instead by telling me that she was positive that the workers thought we were lesbians. They watched as we held hands with our short hair and picked out a bed together….awkward….. Eventually I settled on one and we loaded it in my Uncle’s truck.
All I had asked for was a bed, but my mom made the living room my room. She surprised me with a bedspread, a yellow pillow (my happy color), a new lamp and a letter “A” with zebra print. She said the zebra print was there to remind me that I was different, but beautiful (I was struggling with feeling like a weirdo for being divorced at 21 years old.) That room was my sanctuary for a long time and I’m grateful that my mom helped me to feel that way. Between her and Toddlers & Tiaras sleep was a manageable thing….and slowly but surely I started to heal.